


Prompt List {requests taken}

by JackandMarkaremySunandStars (ImagineBeingSafe)



Series: In Sickness and In Health. [2]
Category: Jacksepticeye-Fandom, Markiplier-fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Autisic!Reader, Blood, Blood and Injury, Body Dysphoria, Coming Out, Cutting, F/M, Ftm!Reader - Freeform, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Menstruation, Multi, Other, Self-Harm, Trans!Reader - Freeform, bad parental reaction, friendship is love too, lesbian!reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-21 07:34:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineBeingSafe/pseuds/JackandMarkaremySunandStars
Summary: *Prompt list Updated 1/11/19!*New prompt list in chapter seven-5/17/19!I wanted to try something.Pick a prompt/prompts,  any of them up to 6, pick a pairing, add any details, I'll write for you.I will do poly pairings!It can be whomever comforting whoever, it can be Reader comforting whomever if you want!got most of these from tumblr. Prompt list updated as i find new onesTags will be added to as i get requests.no ego X ego,





	1. Prompt List. {added to when I find inspo}

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try something.
> 
> Pick a prompt/prompts, any of them up to 6, pick a pairing, add any details, I'll write for you.
> 
> I will do poly pairings!
> 
> It can be whomever comforting whoever, it can be Reader comforting whomever if you want!
> 
> got most of these from tumblr. 
> 
> Prompt list updated as I find new ones.
> 
> Tags will be added to as I get requests.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt list. Updated 1/11/19
> 
> Comment on this chapter with your requests.

“I don’t feel good”

 

“My stomach…”

 

“My stomach hurts”

 

“I’m not feeling so good”

 

“I feel sick…”

 

“I feel nauseous”

 

“My head hurts”

 

“I feel like I’m going to throw up”

 

“My head’s killing me”

 

“What’s wrong with me?”

 

“Are you mad at me?”

 

“Can this stay between us?”

 

“I don’t want you to go.”

 

 “Can we talk?”

 

“I have to tell you something.”

 

 “Take my hand.” 

 

“This is my fault.”

 

“Talk to me. I’m here for you.” 

 

“Please, just come home.”

 

“I didn’t want to go to bed without you.”

 

 “Go ahead, hit me.”

 

You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

 

“Why do you hate me?”

 

 “Please don’t make me go home.”

 

“I’ve never seen you like this.”

 

“You’re up early.”

 

“I can see the pain in your eyes.”

 

 “I’ll be right there.”

 

 “You always take good care of me.”

 

  “I thought you said you were busy?”

 

“Tell me what’s wrong.  Otherwise I can’t help you.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize, not to me.”

 

 “I’ll never forget the day I met you.”

 

“You made me a better person.”

 

 “I can always count on you.”

 

 “Did you even get any sleep last night?”

 

“I need someone to care.”

 

“I think you need to relax.”

 

“Stop hogging all of the blankets.”

 

“Hey! I want my hoodie back!”

 

"Don't lie to me.”

 

“You’re not the problem, he’s/she’s/they’re my problem.”

 

“You’re not going anywhere.”

 

 “Let me worry about that.”

 

“You came to me for a reason.  So what is it?”

 

“It won’t stay down, please don’t make me try again.”

 

“My stomach is really messed up right now.”

 

 “I need to throw up.”

 

“You didn’t tell me you were allergic.”

 

 “I think I ate too much"

 

“I think it was something I ate.”

 

“I can’t throw up…”

 

 “I can’t stop throwing up.”

 

 “My head is spinning.”

 

 “My stomach feels funny.”

 

 “Hand me the trashcan… please.”

 

 “I have to get out of here… I’m gonna be sick.”

 

“It’s just gonna come back up.”

 

“Lay down with me, I don’t want to be alone.”

 

 “You’re the only thing that makes me feel better.”

 

“I feel better now that you’re here.”

 

“Your belly is really sick, isn’t it?”

 

 “Do you want me to rub your back?”

 

 “You really helped me. Thank you.

 

“Shhh, easy.”

 

“Not too fast.”

 

“You gave us a scare.”

 

“Here, let me.”

 

“I know it’s cold, but it’ll make you feel better.”

 

“I’ll be here.”

 

“Can you please come and get me?”

 

 “Hey, don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself”

 

“How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

 

“No, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry”

 

“Because nobody cares about me!”

 

“Because I care about you!”

 

“You look sad”

 

 “Please, don’t leave me alone”

 

“Oh god, you’re bleeding”

 

“I heard you scream. Nightmares again?”

 

“Hey, just look at me. Breathe”

 

“Hold my hand. You’re going to be fine”

 

“You need to eat something”

 

“Stop telling me you’re okay”

 

 “I don’t know where I am. Help me”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Don’t touch me!”

 

“I could just use a hug”

 

“ are you okay? ”

 

“ you don’t look so good ”

 

“ sit down, you look faint ”

 

“ have you eaten today? ”

 

“ please, just rest for a minute please ”

 

 

“ i’m worried about you ”

 

“ what the hell happened? ”

 

“ did someone do this to you? ”

 

“ what’s wrong? ”

 

“ how long has this been going on? ”

 

“ why didn’t you tell me? ”

 

“ i can’t not care about you ”

 

“ don’t tell me you’re fine. this is not fine"

 

“ i got you. it’s gonna be okay, you’re going to be okay.”

 

“i feel like everyone’s miles away from me.”

 

“my mind is a dark place. you don’t want to be there.”

 

“i know this hurts, but you have to stay awake.”

 

“don’t close your eyes, please don’t close your eyes!”

 

“i just want to be numb, i don’t want to feel anything.”

 

“please don’t do this, don’t act like you care.”

 

“you don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.”

 

“you’re my friend, of course i fucking care.”

 

“i can’t give up on you, so please don’t give up on yourself.”

 

“i love you so much, i forgot what hating myself felt like.”

 

“i fucked up, why do you not care?”

 

“i can’t walk, just go on without me.”

 

“you have broken ribs, take it easy.”

 

“don’t you dare fucking let go!”

 

“what the hell happened to you?”

 

“are they dead? did you kill them?”

 

“do you know what you’ve done?”

 

“you’re either with me or against me.”

 

“who the hell did this to you?”

 

“are you alright? you hit your head pretty hard…”

 

“when was the last time you ate?”

 

“what do you mean you’re fine? you are not fine!”

 

“i’m fine, it’s just a flesh wound, i’ll be okay.”

 

“for how long? how long were you bottling this up?“

 

“are you… throwing up in there?”

 

“why aren’t you eating?”

 

“just breathe… you’re okay, i promise, just breathe.”

 

“i can’t breathe, i can’t –”

 

“i woke up, & you were gone.”

 

“just tell me something, was it really worth it?”

 

“it’s okay to hurt & breakdown. you don’t have to be strong all the time.”

“I’ll handle this.”

 

“Stay behind me.”

 

-“If you hurt them…”

 

 “Get away from them!”

 

-“Don’t come any closer!”

 

“I’m with you to the end.”

 

“I’ll carry you if I have to!”

 

 “They don’t deserve you.”

 

“I’ll always be here for you.”

 

“Tell me who did this to you.”

 

 “I just want to keep you safe.”

 

“Get your hands off my ____.”

 

“I won’t let them near you again.”

 

“I’ll do anything for you. Anything.”

 

 “You’re safe with me, I’ll protect you.”

 

“Don’t you touch a hair on their head!”

 

“You touch them again and I’ll kill you!”

 

 “You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

 

 “They thought they could get away with this?”

 

 “It’s over. They’re not going to hurt you again.”

 

 

❛ I took your hoodie and I’m not giving it back. ❜❜

 

"Please just… just hold me. ❜❜

 

"C’mere. Lean on me. ❜❜

 

❛❛ You look like you need a hug. Come here. ❜❜

 

❛❛ I’m never leaving this blanket nest ever again. ❜❜

 

❛❛ I know you don’t like hugs, but… I could really use one right now… ❜❜

 

❛❛ Just stay a little longer. Please. ❜❜

 

❛❛ It’s so cold outside, but you’re so warm… ❜❜

 

❛❛ I’m sorry. I should have asked first, just… it reminded me of you. ❜❜

 

❛❛ Let me hold you for a while. ❜❜

 

❛❛ It’s okay. I’ve got you. ❜❜

 

❛❛ Everything hurts. Being with you is the only good thing in the world anymore. ❜❜

 

❛❛ Hey, hey, don’t cry. It’s okay. C’mon, come sit under the blanket with me. ❜❜

 

❛❛ All I want to do is sit and eat cookies and watch cheesy romcoms right now. But I’d love some company. ❜❜

 

❛❛ I brought blankets, takeout, and your favourite movie. I know it won’t fix everything, but it might help. ❜❜

 

❛❛ Please stay with me tonight. I don’t want to be alone. ❜❜

 

❛❛ I made some tea. Now, do you need to talk? Or should I just put on some music? ❜❜

 

❛❛ I’m not going to leave. I’ll stay as long as you need me to. ❜❜

 

❛❛ Your hair’s soft… I just want to pet it until I forget everything but how soft it is… ❜❜

❛

❛ Shh, shh. It’s okay. You’re alright. You’re safe now. ❜❜

 

❛❛ I know you’re hurting right now, and I’m so sorry. Tell me what will help and I’ll do it. ❜❜

 

❛❛ I just want to see you smile again. ❜❜

 

❛❛ This is stupid but… could you sing to me? You have such a nice voice, and I think it might help calm me down… you don’t have to, but… ❜❜

 

❛❛ Lay your head in my lap and try to get some rest. ❜❜

 

**Here's a few of my own:**

 

 "Why did you run? Why did you hide from me?"

 

"You were dead!"

 

"I saw you die!"

  

"You- You were screaming!"

 

"I gave you all of me, my blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears"

 

Don’t make me choose between my family, and____________.  You will lose.”

 

"My life changed when you came into it"

 

"The best days of my life have been with you"

 

"You're my family, I love you, I love all of you."

 

"I feel weird"

 

 “I can feed myself."

 

"Probably- but I’m going to feed you anyway.”

 

"Stop. Stop. Please, Stop!"

 

"I love you, you know that? Please tell me you know that!"

 

"I am alone"

 

"Yeah, but you keep trying to die on us so we have to worry about that."

 

 "If you'd just let me, just once, I'd never bother you again!"

 

 

"There’s nothing to forgive.” 

 

"Forgive me, and let me help you get better."

 

"Don't leave me."

 

"You’re not getting rid of me, you know"

 

"I know i'm worthless, ok?"

 

"Never say that again!"

 

"Please hold me."

 

" _He hates you. He hates you. He hates you."_

 

"I thought that I could be enough"

 

"I Imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory"

 

"What the hell did you dream?!"

 

“I want to come home."

 

"please... just come home"

 

"You aren't real, you can't be..."

 

"It is you! You're real! Why did you- the way we left things..."

 

"Nothing's going to happen to you while you're with me."

 

"He wouldn't come for me anyways"

 

"He's come to get me and everything's okay"

 


	2. Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request from anonymous, who wanted:  
> “I can see the pain in your eyes.” "I know i'm worthless, ok?" Markiplier comforting reader?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, none of this is based in reality. It may be based on real people, but this is just a story. It's just stuff pulled from my head, that i think others might like.

Hands shaking, you ripped open the envelope.

 

Scanning the page with your eyes, everything in you sunk as you read the words.

 

It was always the same, wasn't it?

 

' _Not a right fit_

 

_Not exactly what we’re looking for_

 

_Not suitable for us_

 

_Not for us_

 

_Not for us_

 

_Not for us'_

 

And so on.

 

This was the tenth.

 

Some part of you knew better than to get upset

 

You knew that everyone starts somewhere, and even famous authors were rejected many times.

 

Stephen King? Carrie was rejected 30 times.

 

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone was rejected 12 times.  And- J. K. Rowling was told not to quit her day job.

 

You know better. You know not to give up. But god, it hurts.

 

You've written for years.

 

No one sees you it seems. This is what you've always wanted to do with your life.

 

Everything else drained you, or tore you to bits. Or made you so tired you couldn't stand it.

 

Writing's **_it._**

 

If you fail at it, like everything else? You're worthless, and _everyone else was right,_ and **_why live through that?_**

 

The publishing copy of your book gets picked up from your desk and tossed against the wall.

 

You feel your eyes burn, and know you have to cry even if it's ugly, because if you keep this in?

 

You'll tear the next person you see to shreds.

 

Even Mark, who's nothing but kind and supportive, and _loving-_

 

_How can he love a failure like you!?_

 

The thought makes you grab a throw pillow from the armchair in the corner of your office.

 

 You sink to the floor, and bury your head into it.

 

The tears fall fast, and you bite down to muffle the shrieks that tear loose from some collapsing part of you.

 

Time passes.

 

You get up.

 

Biting the pillow was a mistake, your mouth's all fuzzy.

 

You get up and go to the bathroom.

 

 _Gah!_ You're a horror. Luckily, you've learned some tricks.

 

You let the water run until it's cold enough.

 

Starting at the inner corners of your eyes, you pressed down on the skin until you reached the outer corners of your eyes.  It helped drain the fluid keeping them puffy.

 

You took an Advil, for reducing the inflammation, and to ease the headache that crying that hard produced.

 

You put in some eye drops as well.

 

You sat a timer on your phone, curled up in the armchair, and let your self drift.

 

It still hurt. A lot. But you would move on, and not bother Mark- or anyone- with your feelings.

 

+

 

When you woke up you checked how you looked in the mirror. Not bad. At least something worked.

 

It was lunch time, and even though you didn't have much of an appetite, you wanted to cook for Mark.

 

You could toss together something light. Get it all right, make him happy. Forget everything wrong.

 

BLT's. With avocado. Because you could.

 

You'd made pasta salad a day ago that would have sat long enough for the flavors to mesh.

 

Chips and French onion dip.  Maybe some ice cream for dessert?

 

You baked the bacon, less stressful than a popping skillet.

 

 The smell roused Mark from his own project.

 

"Anything I can do?" he asks from the doorway.

 

He means it as a kindness. You useally love working side by side in the kitchen with him.

 

But today, it's just a reminder of you being too damn slow and not having everything ready.

 

Your tone is off. Forced happy, when you are not.

 

"I got this. Go. Go relax…"

 

Warm arms wrap around you from behind. Mark nuzzles slightly into the scape between your sholder and neck.

 

"I know something's wrong, Y/N. _I can see the pain in your eyes._

 

 

…Come sit with me. Please?"

 

His voice has dropped an octave in his tenderness.

 

You just go with it. He wants this, wants you, wants to make it better.

 

The two of you, on the couch. He waits for you to gather the courage.

 

"I got my tenth rejection letter today. I Just. I.

 

You breathe in and out, and continue in a small and hurt and wavering tone.

 

"I- I- _I know I'm worthless, ok?_ I don't need everyone else to say so as well.

 

Mark wraps his arms around you, and pulls you with him until you're both laying on the couch.

 

"See, I remember there was a point when you wouldn't let anyone read what you wrote. It took me forever to get you to let me read it."

 

You huff.

 

Yeah, you woulden't give up on it. You wore me down. I'm not built for. For that…"

 

You get quiet again.

 

"Someone will see it for how good it is. You'll get there. I belive in you. "

 

"Now-

 

 -Let's go eat lunch. And I know, you've been working on more things. I want to hear every word."


	3. It doesn't change who you are.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For blazingrain, who requested:
> 
> I was thinking maybe a transguy on his period (“I don’t feel good”), cause those are pretty rough dysphoria wise. Since your body is literally trying to scream that everything is just so wrong to the point where existing can be overwhelming. And then a good ol' Markimoo swooping in with comfort food and gender validation. Cause 'having a period doesnt make you any less of a man' and stuff like that. And of course the reader is very thankful for his wonderful bf who is so gentle with him (“You always take good care of me.”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For blazingrain, who requested:
> 
> I was thinking maybe a transguy on his period (“I don’t feel good”), cause those are pretty rough dysphoria wise. Since your body is literally trying to scream that everything is just so wrong to the point where existing can be overwhelming. And then a good ol' Markimoo swooping in with comfort food and gender validation. Cause 'having a period doesnt make you any less of a man' and stuff like that. And of course the reader is very thankful for his wonderful bf who is so gentle with him (“You always take good care of me.”)
> 
> I hope i did okay. I've never written a trans character. Spoilers for Chicago Fire episode 1X19  
> and none of this is real, all of my fic are AU's.

You woke up in pain, slick stickiness between your legs, and you hate your body.

 

It's the one thing you still hate, the one thing that you can't fix.

 

Everything else is easy.

 

You have your hair the length you want, a bit longer than one would think, for a normal man. 

 

But "Normal is Bullshit" as your brother's- Jason, _Jace_ -  partner, Alex would say.

 

Because of Alex you wore your hair longer, because of Alex you painted your nails.

 

Because of your brother and his partner you were still alive instead of dead at fourteen when you came out because you couldn't live as your mother's little girl anymore.

 

You bind and wear the clothing you want. You live as you want. Your outside fits you most of the time, it's just sometimes your insides ruin everything.

 

LA became home, and you met Mark, who had changed your life for the better.

 

Your mind drifts and you are back to when you'd told both of them.

 

+

_Fourteen, and you'd looked things up at the library on your own._

 

_And Jace was the first you told, when you were brave enough._

 

_On a phone, late into the night, alone in the house, your mother out with friends._

 

 _"Jace._ **_Jace._ ** _I- I was reading online. And I. I've felt wrong since. Since I started puberty, and-_

 

_I think I'm transgender. Like Alex is. I think I'm meant to be a boy._

 

_Silence._

 

_Then:_

 

_"It changes nothing, Baby Brother."_

 

_That when you started bawling loud enough that Alex heard, and you heard him chastise Jace._

 

 _"What_ **_the hell_ ** _did you do to My Darling!?"_

 

_Then was a dull smack._

 

_"Gah! Shit, Lex, she just told me something hard. Don't shout. I think she's needed to tell someone for awhile, and she was afraid…."_

 

 _"Is she hurt?!_ **_Jason_ ** _\- You tell me-!"_

 

_"Baby, can you tell Alex what you told me?_

 

_He's right here, it's just us three on the line, and if you don't, I think he'll tear my head off."_

 

_"Al-_

 

_Your voice goes for a secould._

 

 **_"Alex._ ** _I'm- I'm like you… I think I'm meant to be a boy."_

 

_A gasp._

 

_"You know that changes nothing, Honey-Honey!_

 

_I loved you from that first day I met you when you were 11. We both love you very much, still._

 

_And we are here. No matter what."_

 

_Jace chimed in._

 

 

_"When it goes bad, because I know Mom, there's a reason I'm in LA-_

 

_-call me. At school, go next door, whatever, call and I'll come for you."_

_+_

 

_The next big reveal was to Mark. A month into knowing him, a week into getting serious._

 

_You'd brought up transgenderism during the first interview you'd been at._

 

_Jace and Alex were a builder and designer respectively. Mark had moved, and needed work done on his house, he wanted the three of us to work on his office, too. We are highly rated._

 

 _You knew it didn't matter to him. But if he knew about_ **_you_ ** _being FTM?_

 

 _He was_ **_already_ ** _gone on you. How he looked at you sometimes, made your heart hurt and your breathe catch._

 

_You didn't want to lose that._

 

_You were quiet, picking at food you normally loved, and gathering yourself to speak your truth, one that could ruin everything._

 

_You felt Mark slide his hands over yours._

 

_"You okay, Y/N?"_

 

_"I-_

 

_Do you remember your first interview with Alex, Jace, and I. The question I asked?_

 

_It wasn't just for Alex's safety._

 

_I always ask, because we're not desperate enough to work for transphobes. Not with two trans males making up the owners of the company."_

 

_Mark's eyes widened as he put two and two together. So many things made more sense._

 

_"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, voice soft._

 

_"I was afraid. We're moving faster than I thought, I needed to tell you, you've already told you love me, I wanted to tell you everything then, I just…”_

 

_You closed your eyes again._

 

 _“I didn’t want you to_ **_stop_ ** _loving me.”_

 

_"That's not happening, Y/N I fell in love with Y/N L/N, and it doesn't matter what parts he has._

 

_I would very much like it if nothing changed, because it doesn't matter. All that's ever mattered to me…_

 

_….Is- I love you, Y/N. I'm Your Guy, and you are mine, if that's still what you want?"_

 

_"Yes. Yes. Yes."_

 

_After dinner, Mark and you take a walk and get ice cream._

 

_You talk about the night you left the house you'd grown up in, about Jace and Alex taking you in, and Jace becoming your legal guardian, then being adopted by the two of them a few years later._

 

_He asks a question you'd been dreading._

 

_"Did it go badly, telling anyone else?"_

 

_"I was 22, and he took the choice out of my hands, I was taking too long in the bathroom._

 

 _He saw,_ **_everything._ ** _I think he called me a freak at least five times, before he switched to calling me tranny, bitch, slut and every other insult associated with the female gender._

 

_Jace wanted to kill him, but I talked him down. I just chose wrong, it was my own damn fault-"_

 

_"Don't say that!" Mark interjected fiercely._

 

_"He was wrong. You aren't any of that."_

 

_+_

 

Shaking your head to clear it, you grab the special period boxers you keep in your underwear drawer, and go to the bathroom.

 

You can't do a shower, not at the moment. So you clean the horror show in your PJ pants, slip on the boxers and go back to the dresser after you brush your teeth and hair.

 

You pull one of Mark's shirts free

 

 You know he'll ask what's wrong as soon as he sees you wearing one of his shirts, you only do it when you feel off.

 

They are like tents on you, but they smell like him, like _home_ and _safe._ They are like armor to you.

 

You need that today. You no longer bind on your period, there had been a scare the last time, you'd been in too much pain, and your breathing had gone wrong.

 

 You'd gotten lightheaded, and had passed out for a moment.  Woke up in Mark's arms with him freaked, so no more binder.

 

As you check the mirror one more time, you slip into an old memory.

 

See, your mother was gleeful when you started your period. Was glad you would suffer along with her.

 

One of the last times she had tried to contact you, she'd said if you didn't even try to remove the parts that made you a girl, that it was just a phase, and she'd have her daughter back when she wanted to have a relationship, or get married, or have kids.

 

You pull off your glasses, and scrub at your teary eyes. You can't look back.

 

Suddenly, all you wanted was your Mark. The one who cuddled up to you at night.

 

Who kissed every inch of your face, until you were laughing when you felt bad.

 

 Who stayed, if he woke up and it was a can't get out of bed day for you.

 

Who sang for you, and would never complain if you did too, though you rarely did, still unsure of your voice.

 

Who loved you, just as you were.

 

You had a better life here.

 

Time to go find your guy.

 

+

 

He's sprawled on the couch, laptop on his stomach, typing.

 

He sees you, and smiles, a soft one that's just yours.

 

That smiles tightens into worry as he studies you.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"Uhgh… Shark week."

 

A few moments after you said this, he's clicking the trackpad, and folds and sets the laptop on the table beside him.

 

"C'mere, Handsome."

 

He holds out an arm. You go over and climb on top of him, an arm goes around you.

 

You snuggle into him.

 

"You didn't have to stop working."

 

A soft kiss to your temple.

 

"You're more important, Y/N" Mark replies.

 

The softening of his voice, the way your name rumbles in his chest, a quiet murmur of comfort.  

 

Mark always knows how to make you feel secure when you think you are bothering him.

 

You relax, feeling more at ease.

 

A cramp twists your insides, then another. You squirm a bit, then let out a quiet groan

 

"Cramps?" asked Mark

 

You nod.

 

"Can you rub my. My tummy. Please?"  it's stammered and unsure, it's always hard for you to ask.

 

" 'Course."

 

He sits up, pulling you with him. Your back is against his chest, you're in his lap.

 

Mark pressed a kiss to your forehead, then slides his warm hands under your shirt.

 

Gentle circles slide across your belly. Soft kisses press at your neck, your shoulders, everywhere he can reach.

 

 

He's trying so hard. It's way too much. _You are too much._

 

 

He should not have to deal with your imperfect body.  Tears sting at your eyes, your throat tightens.

 

"I don't feel good." You whimper.

 

He moves you so you're facing him again, and cradles your head with a hand.

 

"Shh. Shh. I know."

 

You choke on the pain and _sob_.

 

"That’s it, sweet. Just let it go. _My boy._ I gotcha."

 

When you'd calmed a bit, you turned apologetic.

 

 

"I'm sorry I'm so emotional, God, I'm such a _girl_ -"

 

 

"You are not a girl, okay? You're having your period, you're in pain, so you cry.

 

  **It doesn't make you a girl.** Please don't do that to yourself.

 

Besides, you know I'm the _biggest_ bubble blowin' baby. Doesn't change who I am. Crying doesn't make you weak, or less. It's not restricted to girls."

 

Mark takes your hand, and tangles his fingers with yours.

 

Do you remember when I came to pick you up at your karate class and you were teaching them how to break boards?

 

"You asked me to teach you, then thought twice about it when I told you what it involved," You answer with a chuckle.

 

"Said you use your hands for too many things to risk it."

 

"Your hands are still the same, you're still the same badass you always are. Nothing can change that."

 

Mark kisses your fingers.

 

 

"How about a bath? A soak might help. "

 

"I don't want to see what's going on down there. Plus, you know I'm scared of tampons after I got sick that one time."

 

"I had an idea for that. If it dosen't work for you, you never have to do it again."

 

You trust him with everything. This is no different.

 

+

 

You smell cinnamon, orange and almond. The water is dark and foamy, and all you can see is your limbs bobbing when you sit.

 

"I'm going to take care of my sweetheart. I got you, baby. Just relax."

 

He lathered a washcloth, and knelt beside the tub.

 

With careful strokes, he washed your back and sholder blades, your arms, your sides and tummy.

 

He left your lower half out of it.

 

"I'm going to wash your hair, alright?"

 

He uncapped the bottle. The refreshing smell of tea tree oil and peppermint washed over you.

 

Mark poured some into his palm, then stroked it into your hair with both hands.

 

If you could purr, you'd be doing it as he scratched his nails into your scalp.

 

He kept a hand on your forehead to keep the suds out of your eyes when he rinsed.

 

He was in full 'My Baby's hurt, so I'm babying him' mode.

 

You could get him to do anything now.

 

"Thank you, Mark. You always take good care of me."

 

"You're very welcome, Baby. It's not over yet,  though. "

 

He ran a bit more hot water into the tub.

 

"I'm going to let you soak for a bit. I'll come get you in a while, but holler if you need anything."

 

The last thing he did was set your phone on the sink, setting it to play your music.

 

+

 

You're singing along to an old favorite song, quietly scooping water up and letting it drip from your palm.

 

The door opens, and you stop midline.

 

Mark continues where you left off, coming in with an armful of towels.

 

You didn't even think he knew any of your music that well!

 

You're grinning at him in delight.  It's the first time he's seen you smile today.

 

"It's been an hour, and I've used the time to prepare some surprises."

 

"Ooo. Surprises."

 

"Just a minute, okay?"

 

He spreads towels on the floor, then goes to help you out of the tub.

 

You have a tenancy to get lightheaded during your cycle, he does not want you to fall.

 

He hands you a towel to dry with, then another pair of your boxers, helping you balance as you step into them. another of Mark's shirts and your own sweatpants.

 

You smell chocolate as you step into the living room, he's got hot cocoa on the table, but it's more than that-

 

"-Did you make brownies?"

 

"Yeah, ordered from your favorite Mexican place, too."

 

"extra queso?"

 

"Of course, extra queso. I'm not a heathen. I thought while we waited for that I could fix your nails."

 

You looked at your hands in dismay, they have taken a beating, chipped and dull.

 

"okay..."

 

"Hey," Mark pushed your chin up with his hand until your eyes met.

 

"I know shark week bothers you, i know you let things slide. I'm trying to help you be you again."

 

You sit and watch as he cleans the old polish off. He rubs lotion that smells like frosting onto your hands.

 

He has[ your favorite color, a dark turquoise,](https://thefancy-media-ec2.thefancy.com/1280/20130125/282841764472031421_787a347b5c5f.jpg) and he carefully paints your nails.

 

You wait for it to dry, then drink cocoa and wait for the food.

 

Mark hands you the remote.

 

"Pretty boy firefighters,  pretty boy doctors, or pretty boy monster hunters?" You ask.

 

"Firefighters"

 

 _"Ooo, yes._ Chicago fire it is."

 

A carryout tin of gooey mexican, chips, salsa, queso, and guacamole.

 

It was a good meal.

 

It was near the end of the season, when you got to a certain episode, You warned him you'd probably cry.

 

He paused it, and spent a few minutes in the kitchen.

 

He brought out two bowls.

 

Brownie sundaes. Vanilla ice cream, caramel, toffee bits, chocolate chips, and a swirl of whipped cream.

 

"God, you spoil me."

 

You're snuffling as soon as the mother comes up the stairs after 51's crew.

 

The funeral with Herrmann, Mouch, and Boden had you both laughing at the start, then just quiet.

 

The Shay+Severide baby plot has you both dying of laughter.

 

The funeral procession has you both sobbing.

 

"This is the best of it," you say, as you take a break.

 

"I know I've said it's a soap opera in a firehouse.  That's still true, but when they get it right-"

 

"Yeah. I get it- I get why you watch it. It's really _not_ that one pretty boy, Sev-whatever."

 

"[Severide.](https://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/8eb3f4da7d900d9bcd6f4fd76c912e810b1891b7/c=0-0-533-711&r=537&c=0-0-534-712/local/-/media/DetroitFreePress/2015/02/17/B9316285126Z.1_20150217124818_000_GE1A000U1.1-0.jpg)" You correct.

 

You had a thing for [Taylor Kinney](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/83/41/17/83411775e7d5a880054159248e9d792a--sexy-men-hot-men.jpg) since the show Trauma in 2009.

 

"At least he has a normal name."

 

You look at Mark.

 

["Jensen](http://morungexpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Jensen-Ackles.jpg), [Misha](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjcyOTMyMzc2M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODA0NzIwNA@@._V1_UX214_CR0,0,214,317_AL_.jpg),[ Benedict](https://www.biography.com/.image/t_share/MTIzNjEzMTg5MzA5MzY3ODIy/benedict_cumberbatchjpg.jpg)."

 

A soft huff from you.

 

"I don't have a shot with any of them, _married and straight_ , the lot of them. Taylor was with freaking Lady Gaga for years. Straight as an arrow.

 

"It's mostly [Dean](https://78.media.tumblr.com/26ea7eb3127ed4b091b894b69dab9180/tumblr_inline_nru9akZZjU1s9zfpx_500.gif), [Castiel](http://media.comicbook.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Misha_Collins_8.png), [Sherlock](https://giphy.com/gifs/batman-arkham-knight-10ttqzrQQODtUk), and [Kelly](https://78.media.tumblr.com/4e4840550a5de3256de602c1f5d3d25e/tumblr_inline_p3t0ka4DXU1qmpb1b_500.gif). None of them are real, Mr. Jealous." You tease.

 

"You want to finish the season out?"

 

"Please?"

 

After, you go to your bedroom. You drink another mug of hot cocoa, take pain killers, change your boxers. You're currently using Mark as a pillow.

 

"One more thing?"

 

"Anything, babe," Mark murmers, playing with your hair.

 

"Read to me?"

 

"Sure."

 

You pull an old favorite from under the bed, and open it to where the bookmark is.

 

He takes it and begins to read.  You hold out as long as you can, but you still drift.

 

You awake only once, to the felling of him wrapping an arm around you.

 

You're loved, and safe, and with Mark. It's all you can ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt list is first chapter. if you request, I'll see if I can write it for you. Remember, you can use up to six prompts.


	4. Soothing storms.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> requested By Luna:
> 
> Could you do “Go ahead, hit me.” with jack? where the reader did something wrong and could they be autistic and maybe lived in an abusive group home when the were a child?   
> they also were ok with hair braiding, so added.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> requested By Luna:
> 
> Could you do “Go ahead, hit me.” with jack? where the reader did something wrong and could they be autistic and maybe lived in an abusive group home when the were a child? 
> 
> they also were ok with hair braiding, so added.

It was a bad day to start with. Nothing felt right, you felt heavy with the need to do something, anything to make the wrongness that had invaded every bit of you.

 

So, laptop, YouTube, and Tumblr scrawl? Except that when you went to turn it on, it took forever to load, then went black. You turn it off, and on, several times. It won't load, won't do what it's supposed to do-

 

 -you've broken it.

 

Everything you have breaks eventually, even if you are careful. You break things, it's part of how you are wrong.

 

" ** _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck_**. _Shit._ Please! Please, don't do this. _Come on_ , please! Not now, not when I need you!"

 

When you feel _this._ This absolute wrongness. This heavy sick ache, in your chest, your stomach-

 

 

_Wrong. Wrong. Wrong._

 

All you can do is cry.

 

It's ugly. Tears spilling. Loud cries, drawn out. Pain spilling from your lips.

 

_Wrong. Wrong. Wrong._

 

On the edges of your consciousness you hear Sean.

 

_"Y/N?"_

 

_"What's wrong?_

 

_"You gotta calm down, and tell me."_

 

Oh, you were in trouble.  

 

_You were always in trouble._

 

_No. No-No-No.  Please. Please. Please._

 

_You were always in trouble._

 

_Always in pain._

 

_Always the worst._

 

**_Always your fault._ **

 

" _Go on, hit me_ , " falls out of your mouth.

 

You are too close to your past in this moment, and it's where your mind goes.

 

"Hey, no. Stop. I thought you'd remember, but I don't mind repeating it again.

 

 _It's me, Y/N._ You’re safe, you’re okay, you’re with me and _I will never hurt you._ Not for anything that breaks, even if it is your fault. Not for anything _wrong_ about you."

 

"Can I hug you?"

 

You nod. 

 

He tries to ask, _always tries to._

 

You do get spontaneous hugs, though. He's about the only one whos allowed to hug you whenever he wants. He always lets go if you protest.

 

Even though you love him, there are times when your body can't handle touch. He never takes offence.

 

He's said you don't have to ask to hug him, though you do. You don't want to make him uncomfortable, _ever._

 

Warm arms go around you. You bury yourself in him, and he knows to hug _tight._

 

_'Safe-and-sound. Love. Love. Love. Home. Jacky. Jack. Sean.'_

 

The shriek of the voice yelling: **_wrong_** is muted a bit. You can think now.

 

_'Ok. Laptop isn't working. What do I want instead?_

 

_Balto. Coloring with the new pens and pencils I got the other day. Sean with me.'_

 

"Are you done recording for the day?"

 

You ask, to be polite, to not keep him if he is busy. If he is busy you can self soothe, but you want him with you.

 

"Just have to send a few things to Robin."

 

"Meet me in the living room when you're done. I'd. I'd like you with me…"

 

It was easier now to ask for what you wanted.

 

"Of course."

 

You went back to your office and grabbed the plastic bin that held your coloring books and pencils/pens 

 

You grabbed the two packages of neon/glitter pens. A gold pen. A silver pen. the box of metallic pencils, plus the big box of plain colored pencils you had.

 

Then you sorted through the coloring books you had. Ocean, Mermaids, Disney princess, Guardians of the Galaxy, manga girls & boys… no, no, no.

 

You had a few color by number, too…

 

_Ah!_

 

You picked a new one, it had doubles of pictures, a color by numbers and an extra so you could do what you liked.

 

You grabbed the binder of single coloring sheets as well. Your IPod, and earbuds, just in case.

 

You grabbed Balto, the weighted Siberian husky plush you had.

 

You stopped in the kitchen for water, and went to the living room.

 

Settling on the floor you spread out your coloring things. Flipping though the coloring book, you felt Sean take a seat on the couch behind you.

 

Balto gets pulled onto your lap, he achieved two things, weight added wanted pressure, and your free hand stroked his soft fur.

 

You found a pair of dragons you wanted to do.  The numbered colors did not appeal at the moment, so you would do your own thing.

 

All the greens and blues for one. All fiery red-yellow-orange for the other. Gold and silver for details.

 

Perfect.

 

You gather what you want, and start.

 

A few moments later, you felt him reach for your hair.

 

He loved playing with it, had told you it was the softest thing he had ever felt.

 

 _He was braiding it._   A soft smile spread over your face. 

 

The last person who'd done that had been your mom. It had been a few years, but it never failed to calm you.

 

The first time he'd done it, you'd teased him a bit:

 

"Anything to be a little more like Chris Pratt, huh?"

 

The MCU was a special interest, as were most of the actors. You mind latched on them, you remembered a lot of random bits, and Chris had done so in an interview around the time GOTG released.

 

 _But you loved it._ It was calming. It was the little things that kept you together.

 

He helped you. He put up with your odd bits, that what people who love you do. 

 

Some part of you was still slowly getting used to that.

 

Soon, part of the page was done, green-blue-silver.

 

You felt Sean attach the ends with a hair tie. You pulled the braid over your sholder, resting it on your chest.

 

A wave of affection washed through you. You'd been leaning into Sean's legs a bit, but it wasn't enough.

 

You climbed up onto the couch, and settled the upper half of your body into Sean's lap.

 

You grabbed Balto and placed him on top of you. One of Sean's arms wrapped around you.

 

_Perfect pressure._

 

Your free hand reached for his. Fingers tangle, and Sean presses a kiss to the back of your hand.

 

The world felt right, and you felt better.  Maybe this was all you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been the week from hell. 
> 
> All requesters, i'm trying my best. 
> 
> The prompt list has a few more. 
> 
> I'm writing, albeit slowly.


	5. maybe making me bleed will be the answer that could wash the slate clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested By Oof  
> Can you do a poly relationship with Fem!Reader, Mark, and Jack? Reader had an abusive father and is now self-destructive/self-harming. Jack starts yelling at Reader and she runs. Reader: "Go ahead, hit me." Mark: "I've never seen you like this." Jack: "This is my fault..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested By Oof:
> 
> Can you do a poly relationship with Fem!Reader, Mark, and Jack? Reader had an abusive father and is now self-destructive/self-harming. Jack starts yelling at Reader and she runs. Reader: "Go ahead, hit me." Mark: "I've never seen you like this." Jack: "This is my fault..."
> 
> Mentioned Self-harm/cutting relapse.
> 
> Also, sorry it took so long.

Sean is standing in front of you, fuming. His eyes are so cold.

 

You don't know how it got this bad. You've never seen Sean angry like this, you don't know how the two of you got here.

 

+Mark's Pov+

 

I heard Chica barking. I followed her out to the loft area, where Jack, Y/N, and I would sometimes pull a movie up on her laptop and de-stress, or while we ate lunch.

 

I caught the shit Jack was yelling- and it _was_ shit. Anger induced, maybe. Still complete shit.

 

 

" **You lied to us. You broke a promise! You swore you'd come to us for help!** "

 

 

**"I’m angry, Y/N! I’m angry because you should have told me, you should have..**

 

 

He huffs bitterly and shakes his head.

 

 

 ** _"…You aren’t worth it!_** "

 

 

When Y/N speaks, her voice is _dead._   Eyes, too. It's like she's shut herself away from everything.

 

Jack's too angry for it to register. Or he'd be scared too.

 

"Go on, Hit Me. Eventually, everyone hurts me. I was wrong to think you wouldn't be just like every one else, Sean. Just like my father, like everyone who swore they loved me. I should be used to it."

 

I grab Jack and pull him away.

 

I've heard enough, I'm stopping this the only way I can think of in the moment.

 

" _What the_ ** _fuck_** , Sean? I've never seen you like that!"

 

He drops into a chair, folding, covering his face with his hands.

 

I can wait. This isn't him. Let him get whatever this is out with me, instead of Y/N.

 

If she's relapsed, she needs both of us to be our best. I've snapped too, in the past- it never ends well.

 

Jack sighs and looks at me.

 

"The three of us decided to live together, and it's hard. It's also better, the three of us, I thought it was.

 

Why is she still like this?"

 

 _"Jesus_ , Sean. We aren't meant to save her. Be there, sure. Hope it stops, give her outlets, yes.

 

But stopping is her fight."

 

"I'm. I don't want to lose her to this. The thought of that…is why I snapped like that. I didn't mean it. I'm so tired of this. "

 

"I don't either, but all we can do is love her. If you're feeling like that again, find me. Did you even hear her?"

 

"That last part, I meant it to hurt her. I know I _did._ I need to-"

 

We both hear Chica, whining.  We both head down the stairs toward the sound. She's standing, both paws on the glass of the door. Whining after Y/N, who's out of sight, but who I know just ran.

 

 Again.

 

"We're giving her time to cool off."

 

I state to Sean, who I know wants to fly out that door after our girl.

 

"She needs space."

 

+Your POV+

 

I need it.

 

Sean hates me, and Mark will follow.

 

He could have just hit me, got it out. I'd stay. I'd do anything to keep them both with me, pay any price.

 

I should know better, I never deserved them.

 

Sliver razor blade shine, sting. Relief.

 

Thoughts slide through me.

 

Mark catching me for the first time, after they both knew.

 

His face, set in anger, but pure pain radiating from his eyes. How the anger slipped away when I'd just cried pathetically, curling in on myself.

 

 

Your father's voice morphing into Sean's

 

 

**_"You aren’t worth it!"_ **

 

 

Anger and grief seeped into my movements, I cried out as i cut deeper than I meant to, then

I looked down.

 

 

_Too many, too deep, oh god…_

 

I don't know where my box of patch-up supplies is. Things were better, it got moved.

 

I go to stand, and fall back. If I can't patch myself, it's a problem.

 

No one cares anymore.

 

+

 

You don't know how long you've been curled up, alone, until you hear the door open.

 

You hear Mark breathe out explosively.

 

"Shit," and it's a whisper the first time.

 

**"** **_SHIT!_ ** **"**

 

He's dropped next to you on the floor.

 

You don't hear the panic that's there, you just hear anger at having to fix your mess, and you curl up into a ball, trying to hide.

 

Another voice.

 

"This is my fault…"

 

Sean.

 

Dimly, surprise flits through you.

 

Why is he here? He's right. You are not worth it.

 

A shaky Dead-voice ramble pours from your throat.

 

"Sean hates me. You'll hate me. Everyone hates me. Everyone leaves. I don't want to be alone. I don't want-"

 

Mark turns to Jack, who's horrified.

 

"Her box is in the hall closet. Go get it, now!"

 

Mark stands, turns to you and starts coaxing:

 

"Shh, Baby you’re ok. I’m going to make it ok babe. Can I touch you? I need to start fixing this mess.  I’m gonna take care of you, baby. I’ll make it all ok again.” 

 

At your nod, Mark pulls you up.

 

You let yourself be moved by gentle arms that place you in front of the sink, where careful fingers draw your arm away from your chest and run icy cold water from the faucet onto cut skin.

 

You gasp and give a whine of pain at the sting, there’s a answering sympathetic cry from Sean, who found the box and is in the doorway.

 

He's pale and silent once more as he hands over the box and several washcloths over to Mark.

 

Mark grabs a wash cloth, and applies pressure to the worst of the cuts.

 

After a while, he pulls the cloth away.  He rummages in the box, pulls gloves out, gauze pads, and dark green vet tape.

 

It's not as bad as it looked.

 

"We just have to look out for that, Y/N. You'll be okay."

 

Your arm is wrapped in dark green, and Mark's guiding you to the bed the three of you share.

 

He gently prods you to the side of the bed Sean's sitting on.

 

You hesitate.

 

Then Sean's arms are around you, pulling, and you both crash flat onto the bed.

 

"I'm so sorry, Angel."

 

When was the last time he'd called you by a nickname? When was the last time you had called them by the ones you'd picked just for them, your Sunshine, your Galaxy Boy?

 

**_Yours._ **

 

They were both yours, and for a time it was better. How could you forget that?

 

"I said things that I didn't mean."

 

He knew.

 

Knew how your father, when he didn't get whatever he needed of you when he turned against you, would spit out, " ** _You aren’t worth it."_** and you'd be left alone in hurt.

 

 

"I should never have taken it there, no matter how angry I got.  It'll be alright, sweetheart. Please believe me."

 

You haven't cried yet today, but this does it. You can hear him and know he means it.

 

You thought it was over. You thought you'd lost him. To know it wasn't true, made you cry with relief.

 

Sean sits up, with you in his arms, so he can rock you.

 

"Never again, I promise. I love you, Y/N, I'm not leaving."

 

When you're quiet except for the shaking breaths that crying leaves you with, Sean waves something in front of your eyes.

 

"Holy shit! A Cupid's Kiss bar!"

 

You'd found this awesome candy place in LA, and they had two kitchens, one nut free.

 

You'd been excited, for Ethan, then you'd tasted and fell in love with their homemade chocolate bars.

 

Cupid's kiss bars were a February only bar, white chocolate, dried cherries, and almonds. Sean and you fought over them.

 

It was July, the currant bar was firework themed with popping candy. There was also a s'mores bar, for summer.

 

But how the hell did Sean last with this in the house?

 

He placed it in your hand.

 

"Saved it for an epic fuck up."

 

With a quick motion, you snap the bar into thirds and you open the package.

 

You cut off Sean's protest, by stuffing his share into his mouth, and held out the third piece to Mark.

 

You slid your share into your mouth, and let the chocolate melt a bit, then chewed, meshing the flavors.

 

You finish and speak up.

 

"I think, we need to sleep, all three of us. Tomorrow is a clean slate."

 

Your boys agree, and you go through your bedroom routine.

 

Settled in between the two of them, you vow to consider them and reach for the outstretched hands that are always there the next time you feel like your drowning.


	6. No matter what, I'll be here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> request for hella_gay_angel:  
> Lesbian Reader who's coming out to Mark. They're just friends. Reader: "I need to tell you something." “You always take good care of me.” Mark: "Talk to me, I'm here for you." “No, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.” “You don’t have to apologize, not to me.” That's all the prompts, it's fine if you don't do it. I really need some semi-angst with promised fluff at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> request for hella_gay_angel:
> 
> Lesbian Reader who's coming out to Mark. They're just friends. Reader: "I need to tell you something." “You always take good care of me.” Mark: "Talk to me, I'm here for you." “No, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.” “You don’t have to apologize, not to me.” That's all the prompts, it's fine if you don't do it. I really need some semi-angst with promised fluff at the end.
> 
> sorry, I've been slow. I'm still here though.

You yawned softly and stretched. It was time to get up and do something.

 

You'd promised Rose you'd leave the bed at least, if not go out for a walk, or whatever.

 

Your partner had left for her job as an EMT with the LAFD. She'd worried about you, but she cannot call off because you are sad.

 

There has been a kiss, not heated, just pure comfort.  You'd shooed the girl who'd changed everything out the door with a-

 

"Go save the city!"

 

Rose had said she'd FaceTime if things were slow on shift.

 

Then silence.

 

And you suddenly hated your apartment. It felt brighter when Rose was here.

 

You had a key to her place, could pack a bag and go there, spend the day with her cat,  Charlie.

 

But it wouldn't fix things. Home-

 

 -Home had become her.

 

It was truest now.

 

 

_You and your Mom had always been close._

 

_Your dad- more of a sperm donor, because- you had never met-  he had never even tried._

 

_Mom and you were it._

 

_It had been two months since you met Rose, and you'd talked to her mom and stepdad on skype. Her family was amazing.  She had six younger siblings, all still kids for the most part._

 

_The call had taken place in their kitchen, and there had been chaos at various points, but it was pure love._

 

_It had given you the courage to come out to your own mom._

 

_That had ended very badly._

 

 "… _How could you! This is NOT how I raised you!_

 

_When you decide to give up this ridiculous fantasy, ready to live normally, have a proper family-_

 

_-Then I'll speak to you. Until then I have no daughter. "_

 

_You'd spent the last two days recovering from- from being disowned._

 

_Because you'd choose Rose.  It was simple._

 

_It wasn't over, but…_

 

_You could handle being alone if you didn't think too hard- if you didn't poke at the emotional scab._

 

_It was like having stitches on your foot, you had to be careful how you stepped, so you did not rip them._

 

_And Rose, sweet Rose._

 

_Your heart had been stitched by her._

 

_She'd held you as you'd cried. Tried to feed you, though eating had made you sick._

 

_Laid with you as you tried to remember how to breathe through the hurt._

 

_She was everything you needed._

 

You would take care today, for her.

 

You went to the bathroom and did a once over. You had cried a  bit after she left, and had fallen asleep after.

 

Your eyes and nose were red. You splashed cold water on your face, and redid your hair into a pony tail.

 

Better. Ready for whatever-

 

Your phone chiming was like a knife.

 

It was Mark.

 

**'Where are you, Y/N?' -Mark**

 

**'Home. Why?'- Y/N**

 

Then it hit you like a rock.

 

Mark's latest project. He'd wanted your help. You'd been excited even.

 

**'** **_Oh my god_ ** **. I'm so** **_sorry_ ** **!'**

 

You had a bad memory, sometimes. You didn't normally forget a promise to Mark, though. Or anything that made you excited or happy.

 

Mark knew then.

 

**What's wrong?**

 

**I know you, something's wrong.**

 

**Talk to me, Y/N,  I'm here for you.**

 

This was not the kind of thing you just texted to someone. And, Mark was not just **_someone._**

 

Mark was your best friend, hell, he was family. The older brother you never got, and always wanted.

 

**I need to tell you something. It needs to be in person.**

 

A few minutes later….

 

**I'm on my way.**

 

**…What about the video?**

 

**You're more important than any video.**

 

You don't know how you feel about telling him now. But you need to know if you're going to be losing him as well.

 

As time passes, uneasiness swirled in your belly. You felt _so_ uncomfortable. This was a bad idea.

 

_He'll come, and you'll see what happens next._

 

_He won't be mad._

 

_Well maybe that you waited two months to tell him about Rose. That was more time that it took him to talk about Amy._

 

Mark knocks when he gets to your door, after sending a text that he was in the building.

 

_He doesn't normally knock._

 

It gives you a moment to remember to breathe again, to collect yourself.

 

This is scary, but you need to tell him.

 

 No more secrets.

 

You let him in, the two of you sit on the couch…

 

And you try to start but can't.

 

_I don't want to lose him. If mom… if mom could… he could hate me too._

 

Your eyes burn, you feel sick again.

 

_You can't do this._

 

"Y/N?"

 

Mark's voice is so soft.  So careful.

 

_He won't care once you tell him._

 

"No, _don’t cry_ , I hate it when you cry.”

 

You let go. It comes out shaky, ramble-ly.

 

"Y- you. You. Know. How  I- I've had a, uh.  Hard. Time. Figuring things out?

 

I- I. I met someone. Her name is Rose, and we've been taking it slow.

 

I told my mother a few days ago.  She said-  She. She-  'didn't have a daughter.'

 

…that I was a horrible child

 

Wanted to tell you before, But,  after that, I- I got scared.

 

I'm **_so_** sorry…"

 

Your voice goes and you can't look at Mark at all.

 

"Y/N.  You don’t have to apologize, not to me.

 

…Why would you? For being you? For being _happy_?

 

This doesn't change a thing."

 

Mark's hands gently cup your face and make you look up at him.

 

He's smiling.

 

"Y/N. You're still one of the best friends I will _ever_ have, the creative, stubborn, loving, brave-

 

-Here, Mark's smile turns into a shit-eating grin-

 

\- geeky, bratty, _pain in the as_ s, _little sister I never knew I wanted_."

 

His face and eyes soften with earnestness and affection.

 

"I'm always gonna love you. I don't care what anyone else says."

 

You're crying now for a very different reason.

 

Mark's hands leave your face and flail in his panic.

 

"What part of ** _don't cry_** -!?"

 

You lightly hit his chest twice, croaking:

 

"Shut. Up."

 

 You drop your face to his chest.

 

"You got me, Y/N. I'm not going to leave."

 

The two of you sit in silence for a while.

 

Then your phone goes off.

 

"That's probably Rose- hang on."

 

You almost fall trying to get it.

 

It's her number.

 

"Hey, Rosepetal. No. I'm fine. Honestly.

 

Hang on."

 

You turned on FaceTime.

 

"Jeez, Magpie. You're sure you're alright?"

 

There was concern in her voice and a touch of brittleness that made you worry.

 

Your tough as iron EMT, crying? You are… not that bad off.

 

"If you cry and Kit finds out- I'll get reamed."

 

Kit was her best friend at the firehouse, and they were a lot like you and Mark.

 

No proper definition, just a lot of love.

 

"Sweet, you think Kit doesn’t know what's going on? He'd forgive a hell of a lot right now. Even **_you_** cryin' on him if it came to that."

 

"I don't need to go that far," you answered with an eye roll.

 

"I'm fine. Mark's here. Some truths came out, and he turned into a sap-"

 

"It's all true, Y/N!"  Mark interjected with a huff and his own eye roll.

 

"It's about time Mark and I were properly introduced."

 

She knew him but didn't **_know_** him.

 

Her siblings watched Mark and Jack all the time at home, but it wasn't the same.

 

You moved the phone between the two of you.

 

"Mark Fischbach, meet Rosewyn Shay."

 

The three of you chatter for a while.

 

"…I'm going to hang up, we've tempted the fates a bit, next thing you know,  the next Call will be a pain in the ass.

 

"I trust her with you,  Fischbach. Get her out of the place, feed her-"

 

 _"_ ** _Rosewyn Shay!_** _"_ you cry, exasperated.

 

Her laugh is music and makes your heart flutter. That doesn't mean you aren’t annoyed to shit.

 

She turns serious at Mark.

 

 "Watch out for her. "

 

He nods solemnly.

 

Rose smiles at you.

 

"Have fun. Love you, Baby."

 

You sigh.

 

"See you tomorrow, Love."

 

You end the call.

 

"Why'd she have to- You always take good care of me. **_Always._** Since the day we met. No one had to ask you."

 

'It's her prerogative. To make sure you're happy."

 

"I know."

 

"So? You ready to go?"

 

"Yeah."

 

No matter what, you still had them. It would be enough.


	7. List part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> List part two!
> 
> X reader only- any ego or mark or jack

 

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

10:11 PM

 

  1. I shouldn’t have trusted you.”
  2. “You shouldn’t have trusted me.”
  3. “Why did you do this?”
  4. “You had a choice.”
  5. “Don’t lie to my face.”
  6. “I’m not lying.”
  7. “I used to love you but now all I see is the monster that you are.”
  8. “Admit it!”
  9. “Why do you keep doing this?”
  10. “Aren’t you tired of hurting me?”
  11. “When will you learn?”
  12. “I hate you.”
  13. “You don’t love me, I get it. But I’m still in love with you.”
  14. “I’m in love with him/her/they.”
  15. “I can’t deal with this anymore.”
  16. “Why is this so difficult?”
  17. “Why are we doing this?”
  18. “I’m tired.”
  19. “I’m tired of all this.”
  20. “Please… just stop.”
  21. “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”
  22. “You don’t deserve him/her/they.”
  23. “I’m better without you.”
  24. “You’re better without me.”
  25. “I should have known.”
  26. “I don’t care.”
  27. “Why do I have to pretend that I care?”
  28. “It was easier…”
  29. “It’s the right thing to do.”
  30. “You screwed up.”
  31. “I let you down.”
  32. “You let me down.”
  33. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
  34. “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”
  35. “Why is it so hard for you to see that I love you?”
  36. “We’re screwed
  37. I don’t feel good


  1. It’s just a cut. I’ll be fine.
  2. It’s not my blood – I think.
  3. I think I might need a band aid.
  4. I’m cold…
  5. It’s just a flesh wound!
  6. They had a butcher’s knife.
  7. I swear I’m fine!
  8. Hey, can you help me for a moment?
  9. Can we stop for a moment? I think I need a break.
  10. Go! Go on without me. I’ll only slow you down.
  11. I can’t feel my arm/leg/…
  12. I have to keep going.
  13. I’m so sorry, but I can’t go on like this.
  14. Am I dying?
  15. It feels like I’m dying.
  16. Is– Is that my blood?
  17. Is that your blood?
  18. Sit down! You’ll hurt yourself if you fall over like this.
  19. Stay awake, please!
  20. Someone call an ambulance!
  21. You’re not dying, not on my watch!
  22. I’m not leaving you behind!
  23. Here, I’ll carry you!
  24. Stop being so stubborn before you bleed to death!
  25. Oh man, that’s a nasty cut you got there.
  26. Hey, do you want me to stitch that up for you?
  27. You might want to bite down on this.
  28. Hang in there! Help is on its way.
  29. This is going to hurt quite a bit…
  30. Here, put this on the wound and press hard!


  1. when were you going to tell me?
  2. you can’t keep doing this to yourself.
  3. that’s…a lot of blood.
  4. can you walk?
  5. please don’t lie to me.
  6. you were supposed to leave.
  7. i’m not going anywhere without you.
  8. shh, it’s okay. it was just a dream.
  9. there was nothing more you could have done.
  10. it wasn’t your fault.
  11. this is all my fault.
  12. you aren’t acting like yourself.
  13. i’m never going to let [her/him/them] hurt you again.
  14. you’re hurting me.
  15. don’t ever do that again.
  16. go to hell.
  17. please don’t cry.
  18. you have to stay awake.
  19. i wish i could take the pain away.
  20. you could have died.
  21. hey – stay with me.
  22. it’ll be over soon.
  23. did you ever love me?
  24. i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.
  25. things won’t always hurt this bad.
  26. you passed out.
  27. how much have you had?
  28. i’m okay. it’s all fine.
  29. it’s not okay! you’re not fine!
  30. let me get you something for the pain.
  31. it’s nothing. it’s just a bruise.
  32. it’s clearly not nothing.
  33. have you been to the doctor?
  34. i didn’t mean the things i said.
  35. i thought we meant something.
  36. people who are okay don’t act like this.
  37. you don’t have to go through this by yourself.
  38. i don’t want you to be alone.
  39. please don’t regret me.
  40. i heard you crying.
  41. you need to get some rest.
  42. when was the last time you ate something?
  43. i’m worried about you.
  44. did you have another nightmare?
  45. [name], there’s nobody there.
  46. i want to be happy but i don’t think i deserve it.
  47. please talk to me.
  48. why are you mad at me?
  49. alcohol isn’t going to solve your problems.
  50. don’t leave me.
  51. did you do this to yourself?
  52. it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.
  53. tell me what’s wrong.
  54. tell me how to make it better.
  55. why don’t you care?
  56. get the hell away from me.
  57. please don’t do this.
  58. i can’t believe that you lied to me.
  59. just…stay for the night.
  60. you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.
  61. you can’t die. i won’t let you.
  62. just hang on, okay?
  63. hold my hand if you need to.
  64. i’m sorry.
  65. why do you have a gun?
  66. don’t panic.
  67. just breathe.
  68. you’re bleeding.
  69. i’m trying to stop the bleeding.
  70. you’ve been crying, i can tell.
  71. you should have told me sooner.
  72. i wanted to tell you in person.
  73. a phone call would’ve been nice.
  74. i hate you.
  75. i love you.
  76. “ leave me alone . ”


  1. “ please don’t leave me too ! ”
  2. “ i’ve lost everything . ”
  3. “ but i still have you… right ?”
  4. “ there’s nothing here for me now . ”
  5. “ please be the reason i stay . ”
  6. “ i’m so sorry i screwed all this up . ”
  7. “ i’m not going to apologise . ”
  8. “ i deserve this . ”
  9. “ what did i ever do to deserve this ? ”
  10. “ i’m scared . i’m scared of being alone . ”
  11. “ you left me behind . ”
  12. “ i don’t need you ! i don’t need anyone ! ”
  13. “ the worst feeling in the world is everyone glaring at your back , and you’re sat there knowing you can never fix that . ”
  14. “ i did what i had to do . ”
  15. “ the feeling’s mutual . ”
  16. “ and now you’re going to judge me for it . ”
  17. “ if you’re my friend , you’ll give me some space ! ”
  18. “ friend ? excuse me ? ”
  19. “ go on ! leave me behind like everyone else ! that’s easier , right?!”
  20. “ i’m not leaving you . ”
  21. “ you still have me . ”
  22. “ i’m here for you . ”
  23. “ i forgive you . ”
  24. “ i don’t want your apologies . ”
  25. “ none of this is your fault . ”
  26. “ you’ve done a million things to deserve this . ”
  27. “ everyone can get scared in the dark - that’s why you turn on a light . ”
  28. “ no , you don’t understand ! ”
  29. “ please think about this . ”
  30. “ you can still fix this . ”
  31. “ i can’t believe you did this . ”
  32. “ i’m so disappointed in you . ”
  33. “ i’m not like everyone else . ”
  34. “ you’re my friend - you’re not making me move for anything . ”
  35. “ leaving you behind is the last thing i’d want to do ! i’m here for you through thick and thin , and you can’t change that ! ”
  36. “ they’re just going to leave you like everyone else . ”
  37. “ my, what a mess you’ve made . ”
  38. “ you should just leave .  no one wants you . ”
  39. “ what reason do you have to stick around ? ”
  40. “ you’re right not to apologise . it’s THEM in the wrong , not you . ”
  41. “ come with me . i can help you . ”
  42. “ they left you for dead . how can you forgive that ? ”
  43. “ they don’t deserve you . ”
  44. “Are you okay? It sounded like you were having a bad dream…”


  1. “Wanna talk about it?”
  2. “Do you get these nightmares a lot?”
  3. “When was the last time you slept?”
  4. “Staying awake won’t help.”
  5. “I could sleep next to you if you want.”
  6. “It was just a dream, okay?”
  7. “You woke up screaming…
  8. “It was horrible…”
  9. “No, I don’t want to talk about it.”
  10. “I get them almost every night…”
  11. “Can’t sleep. Won’t sleep. Never sleep. Can’t make me sleep. They’ll get me.”
  12. “I don’t know, not sleeping seems to be helping to me,”
  13. “Please sleep with me…”
  14. “It felt so real…”
  15. “Was I screaming…? Really?



**Author's Note:**

> Check the series tags. I will write whatever is tagged there!  
> Just ask when you request!


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